Futility's Beast
Futility’s Beast
I
Eating and eating; never being full
Never full, and all this eating
Fills my soul, who’s endless bleating
Begs for more, though nothing fills:
Airy drink and feast that kills.
Madly carving piece by piece;
Glutton starving for release.
II
Bleeding and bleeding; losing my soul
Soul is drowned and lost within
Pools of blood that smoke with sin.
Wounds and worries cut like knives,
Deep then deeper. Nothing drives
Souls away like losing blood:
First a fountain, then a flood.
III
Breaking and breaking into tiny shards
Sharp and jagged shards I hold:
Emeralds all gilt in gold.
Worthless is the gilded crown,
When it’s dropped and shattered down.
Wall of clay so quickly broke:
Shards and rags and fading smoke.
IV
Aching and aching: life is so hard
Pang – ah mercy! - another pang!
Bells and knells and cling, clang, clang.
Madness – mercy! – mayhem, pain,
Lost in life and found by shame.
Aching, tortured by the hate:
Life is cruel – so is Fate.
V
Crying and crying; running away
Hot they sting and cold they shock,
Tears - first frozen, turned to smoke:
Cannot bear the confusion -
Must escape the illusion.
Run, must run! Just run away . . .
Still can’t seem to find my way.
VI
Trying and trying; forgetting to pray
Getting up and falling down,
Rooting up and losing ground.
Trying this way – finding naught:
Loss and failure’s all I’ve got.
Trashed my hope and lost my prayer;
I can’t find them anywhere.
VII
Sighing and sighing poems and prose
“Breathe” they say, “Don’t fear to sigh”
They must know I’d rather die.
What’s worthwhile? You see the cage
I am in with just a page
And pen for thought - ink gone dry;
Poetry is but to sigh.
VIII
Dying and dying: old wilted rose
Ashy flakes whiter than snow,
Breezes and cold winds that blow.
Petals of ash, leaves of coal
Crumbled never to be whole.
Wood once living now is dead;
Flowers wilt in fire-bed.
IX
Waiting and waiting, never to hear
Never hearing, and the waiting
Plagues my soul with soundless prating.
Voices call that don’t exist
Line my face and clench my fist.
Sitting by the open door,
Then and now and evermore.
X
Watching and watching, wiping a tear
Milky white and listless roaming,
Orbs for sight and sight for gloaming.
Watching for a ray of gold,
Wishing just to say “Behold!”
Cast the blinding tears away,
They will never spark the day.
XI
Reading and reading; words are the same
Once, edit twice - just thrice more:
Turns out stranger than before.
Read it again, find something wrong;
Can’t even whisper one more song.
Words upon words – sentences;
Reading, fixing madnesses.
XII
Pleading and pleading, losing my name
Incognito – going nameless.
Alias won’t make you blameless.
Lose your name, another will
Rise ‘anonymous’ to fill.
Names are needful – you shall see
Incognito is no plea.
XIII
Wishing and wishing an end to the pain
I am pain – and so I end me
To destroy my great enemy.
Make a wish and then fulfill
The same by my force of will.
Magic triumphs over pain
Making goodness of a bane.
XIV
Dreaming and dreaming; going insane
Wish it changed; days aren’t for dreams.
Going deranged; splitting seams
Between one reality
And its counter-fantasy
Plans and schemes are vanity.
Dreams have conquered sanity.
XV
Saying and saying prewritten lines
“Yes, I agree, of course you’re right,”
Better give in and dodge the fight.
Everyone has right to say
“I am right!” and, by the way,
Sure, you’re right, but keep your thoughts
To yourself. You’re right – but not.
XVI
Paying and paying for all of my “fine’s”
All alone without a friend
To understand I can pretend
I am all right. The word is “fine”
To turn them off of what is mine.
My pain, my loss, my tears, my woe:
Can’t trust enough to let them know.
XVII
Fleeing and fleeing from who I am
The monster ‘neath my bed is gone,
He crawled out one day and upon
My bed he snuck, creeping inside
My head, my heart and conscious mind.
Nightmares plague me now - I flee
From the monster who is me.
XVIII
Hiding and hiding wherever I can
They dare not look – none will see
Demons writhe inside of me.
No – go away! Leave me alone,
The person who you knew is gone.
Hiding, shrinking, trembling, lost –
For my pride I pay the cost.
XIX
Eating and eating; gnawing the bone
Frightened creature in a cage,
Bent and troubled by a rage.
Gnawing bones too soon too thin:
Cannot reach the life within.
Bones and coffins and broken vows,
Too starved to even feed the crows.
XX
Bleeding and bleeding away ‘till I’m gone
Ink within my veins has spread
Draining dregs into my head.
Pens and scratching in my brain,
Bleeding words and writing pain.
Ink is gone now – verses done:
Bled away until I’m gone.
1 people are talking about this
THIS IS GLORIOUS!!!!!!! Every stanza is breathtaking and incredible and AHHHHHH I love it to pieces!!!!!!!!!!
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